If you’re new to the role of caring for an aging parent, it’s entirely natural to find yourself lacking confidence and experiencing some anxiety. Paige Arnof-Fenn, a marketing executive from the Boston area who is also a family caregiver, aptly points out, “This is the toughest stage of life by far.” However, you can make this journey more manageable by being open about your emotions, both yours and your parents’, and by making the most of available resources, including valuable advice from experienced caregivers who have been through it all. Real-world eldercare experts can provide actionable insights to help alleviate anxiety, boost your confidence, and remind you that you’re not alone in this challenging endeavor.
We approached some seasoned caregivers to share the guidance they wish they had received when they first started caring for their elderly parents:
- Empathize with Your Parents’ Emotions: Aging parents may grapple with anxiety or depression, particularly if they face issues like mobility loss, multiple chronic conditions, or a loss of independence. Susan Hodges, a parental caregiver and author of “A Breach of Trust,” emphasizes the importance of listening and addressing their concerns. Providing a sense of calmness can help them relax and overcome negative feelings. Remember, it’s about treating them as adults dealing with the challenges of aging, not as children.
- Be Present, Not Super-Human: Regardless of your professional achievements or problem-solving abilities in your day job, there are certain problems you cannot fix and tasks you cannot perform as a caregiver. Paige Arnof-Fenn wisely advises that in moments of competing priorities, prioritize spending quality time with your loved ones. Your love and presence can make them happy, knowing you’re there for them.
- Maintain a Daily Journal: Keeping a journal can be therapeutic, allowing both positive and negative emotions to flow out rather than being bottled up. Lisa Maria Chirico, a nursing home navigator coach and caregiver in New York, suggests jotting down your feelings and experiences with your loved one. It provides an immediate outlet for what’s on your mind, eliminating the need to wait to speak with someone or attend a caregiver support group. Later on, this journal becomes a valuable record of your caregiving journey.
- Explore Assisted Living Options Early: Don’t wait until your parents urgently need senior living arrangements to start researching. Jennifer Bright Reich, a publisher in Allentown, PA, initially invited her parents to live with her. However, after her mother’s passing, she realized that she couldn’t provide the round-the-clock care her father required. A move to assisted living became necessary. Reich highlights that this decision might not only be the best choice for you but also for your aging parents. Assisted living facilities can offer the specialized care and support they need.
- Leverage Technology: Susan Hodges recommends using technology to your advantage. Set up check-in reminders on your and your parents’ devices to reduce anxiety for both parties. Apps like Lyft and GrubHub can simplify daily tasks, making life easier for everyone. Consider using a medication dispenser to ensure your parents take their medications at the right times. Additionally, encourage them to wear personal emergency alert devices, granting them some independence while giving you peace of mind regarding their safety.
- Take 10 Minutes for Yourself: In the midst of a busy caregiving schedule, it’s easy to feel like there’s no time to spare. However, it’s crucial to find a few minutes, whether on your commute, in a parked car, or at a doctor’s waiting room, to reduce stress and give your mind a break. As Lisa Maria Chirico points out, practicing meditation, even for just 10 minutes a day, can significantly benefit your overall health and help you cope with the demands of daily life.
Caring for aging parents is undoubtedly a challenging journey, but with the right approach and support, you can navigate it successfully while maintaining your well-being and that of your loved ones.